When it comes to sex, it’s time to leave all the “shoulds” at the door because YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.
Far too many women (including myself) buy into the myth that sex stops at 50. Suddenly, we’re invisible, undesirable, or “dried up.”
Dr. Kelly Casperson is here to debunk all of that nonsense.
As a urologist, speaker, and author of the book You Are Not Broken: Stop Shoulding All Over Your Sex –– her mission is to help women have AMAZING sex lives -- free of shame, fear, misconceptions, or Hollywood pressure to do it “right.”
We had a frank and honest discussion to debunk common myths and explore how you can keep your sex life rocking through menopause, well into your 80s, and beyond.
Check out my full interview with Kelly right here! 👇
Here are some of my biggest takeaways from our conversation:
Want better sex? Prioritize it!
As Kelly put it, “Sex is like eating veggies and exercising. I know it makes me feel better, but if I don’t prioritize it, I’ll wind up on the couch eating Hagen Daz.”
It’s SO easy to think that sex is something that should just happen spontaneously. But if you don’t make it a priority, it’ll likely fall by the wayside and be replaced by all your other responsibilities.
Take care of your body.
It’s hard to get turned on if you don’t feel good. As we age, our bodies and hormones change –– this is true for women AND men. Supporting our physical health is vital to a healthy sex life. Being open and honest with our partners about these changes can remove any sense of shame or anxiety.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
Let’s talk about sex, baby. As our bodies change, our desires can too. It's important to keep the conversation going with our partners and continually explore what gives us pleasure.
Unfortunately, most of us weren’t taught HOW to have these conversations, and it can be really uncomfortable. Kelly recommends starting the conversation by pointing out the awkwardness: “I feel really silly talking about this, but...” Setting a time for the discussion will help everyone come to the table prepared.
BOTTOM LINE: YOU ARE NOT BROKEN
Sex does not have to look like what's on TV. (In fact, that’s not how arousal even works!) There’s no “right” way to do it.* Or “right” amount of sex to have.
The only thing that matters is what feels good for you and your partner.
The best part? As we get older, we have the opportunity to shake off societal pressures, clarify what WE want, and become more confident in asking for it.
That's why sexual satisfaction can actually improve after 50! (Some of Dr. Kelly’s clients are having amazing sex well into their 80s!)
I highly recommend grabbing a copy of Dr. Kelly’s book and sharing what you learn with your friends and partner.
The more we talk, the more we can break down the stigma, stress, and shame around sex.
Because the only way to do sex “wrong” is to keep thinking you have to get it “right.”
And if you have any sex or intimacy tips of your own, please drop them in the comments. We can create our own Cosmo for women over 40! 🤣
WANT MORE? Click here to join my Menopause Masterclass! It's a free resource for women navigating perimenopause and menopause, offering advice and assistance from top experts on women’s health and building a connected community of shared experiences.
You deserve great sex at ANY age,
Tamsen
*Obviously this is all assuming safe, sane, consensual sexual interactions.
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